I know it's a huge topic that takes our whole life and into eternity to learn, but for this week, I really want to focus on my relationship with Heavenly Father.
First things first, I know that there is a God, and not in the cheesy way of "I know there's a God cause I see him in the sunrise." While I believe that he IS in the sunsets, and sunrises, and in all things, I know that there is a God, because I have a TESTIMONY, I believe with all my heart that the Lord is my savior, and my Eternal Father.
"I think God leaves me alone to let me find my own strength because no one else can give it to me. Sometimes it is very lonely. But I know the lonely times teach me the most. I must let go in order to let anything in."
~Sabrina Ward Harrison
I really like this quote, cause It reminds me and helps me to remember that even in our darkest times, we have the Lord by our side, and sometimes it is a hard thing for us to think about, and to accept, because we feel like at times that; "why would the Lord do this to me?" But we need to remember that the Lord gives us our space.. but is right there to be by our side once again, but he gives us our space in order for us to find things out for ourself.
(Note to Reader: As I write, and share my thoughts, I too will share my feelings, and inner experiences.)
I remember when my friends were getting ready to serve their LDS missions, I was in a point in life that I wanted to know where it was that I was supposed to be going. In my "travels" and when I felt that I really lost my direction, I started to think about who I was, and where I was "destined" to be going. Growing up, (Now, once again Note To Reader moment: Some of the experiences I share are very difficult, but worth sharing in order for me to grow.) .. But growing up, my parents were divorced which lead to leaving it up to me to decide religiously where I wanted to be, I really appreciate my parents for allowing me to find out on my own and find out my own path..
My mother is not LDS, and as I tell people, My dad is LDS, but not active, so once again; I was able to find my own path. As once again, my friends were all preparing for a mission, and having not been too religious, I wondered where I was going.... In my heart I guess I felt that I knew I was supposed to serve a mission, but I still wasn't sure. Once again, all my friends were preparing to go on missions, and I was feeling the spirit through them, as I they were preparing, I was learning and getting that itch...
My friend Greer Haymond was one of the first to leave, and I remember a situation that changed my life forever. Greer received his mission call and was called to serve in the Philippines Angeles Mission. The week before he was to leave, all or our friends wanted to go bowling and have one more night out with the boys. The night we went out was in fact the night that Greer was set apart, and I will always remember the minute I saw him after he was set apart. I've never seen such a glow on someone. I had never seen, or visually witness, the Lord so closely and in such vibrancy. I knew right then that, that was what I wanted, you could say that night, was when I gained my testimony. I remember that night talking to my friend Mike Ashmore about the night and what I had seen and felt, and Mike had given me a challenge; if I wasn't going to go on a mission, he challenged me to at least work on life as if I was going to go on one. Right then I remember telling him that I wanted to GO on a mission, and not just prepare to live like I was going to go.
Some few months later while in the MTC getting ready to head to the Arcadia California Mission, my life took an unexpected turn...(which I will more than likely go into more detail as the time goes on, but not right now.) I became very depressed and full of anxiety, and I was sent home from the MTC after serving a total of 5 days.
I grew very depressed and vulnerable in life, I felt like either I wasn't prepared, or I wasn't meant to serve, and I began to doubt myself in a lot of areas in life. The thought of my family's history, and in my moments of weakness, I decided that I needed to find out if Drinking was for me.
I thought that if my family had alcoholism that had ran throughout the family, then maybe I too was supposed to follow in the same path. I sadly decided that once again, in my moments of weakness and immaturity, I had about a month... maybe a month and a half of drinking under my belt. which sadly, I was no longer able to say I never tried alcohol, but I was able to learn a very and life altering lesson. I learned something that I will never forget.. a few things actually.
Now, as I have mentioned earlier, that this week is about our Heavenly Father, I found out in my darkest time of my life, that the Lord wasn't just there for me, but he had been there by my side the whole time. I was literally living in the base of the devil's throat. And as I became aware of my own personal hell in which I was putting myself through, I was also able to realize that, that was some people's life, but it wasn't a life for me. quit drinking almost as quickly and easily as I began, but I can't say it wasn't a very valuable experience.
I know that there is a God, because, once again, I was able to see him in my friends, and in the life that I wanted. I have a testimony that there is a God because even though I had made some very big life changes, and pretty much threw that away... I was able to recognize my faults, and recognize my mistakes, and I was able to be forgiven.
As we go through life, we are all put to the test, we are all facing challenges in life, and I know in my heart that the Lord is by our side every second of the way. I have made mistakes in life, and I have done great things, I am not trying to make light of a bad situation that I had put myself in, but I am willing to learn from it and share my testimony of the Savior.
President James E. Faust had a great talk entitled :Where Do I Make My Stand? In it he talks about how we are faced with challenges in life, but we need to always remember that the Lord is by our side. In his talk he has a great quote from Dr. Arthur Wentworth Hewit, who suggested as to why the good suffer as well as the wicked:
“First: I don’t know. Second: We may not be as innocent as we think. Third: … I believe it is because He loves us so much more than He loves our happiness. How so? Well, if on a basis of strict personal return here and now, all the good were always happy and all the bad suffered disaster (instead of often quite the reverse), this would be the most subtle damnation of character imaginable.”
I am really drawn to the part of the quote "He loves us so much more than He loves our happiness." I really respect and appreciate that part of the quote, because as we go through struggles in life, it is so important to always remember that the Lord loves US more than He loves our Happiness. So we may go through things in life that we don't understand, and we may wonder: "why us." But I am so grateful to know that we have the Lord, once again, by our side to help guide and strengthen us.
So when I see a sunset.. I am not always reminded that there is a God, but I am daily reminded by my past and for my future that the Lord is by my side throughout, and that I can't do it without him.
I hope that this experience in this upcoming year, I will be able to see the hand of God in so much more, but I also know that without being able to share this experience, and my life, I cannot grow. I think we all need to be able to give up and give into our past and learn from it. Having gone through the repentance process, we are forgiven by our Heavenly Father, and we are also reminded to always have him in our heart. I hope that those who read this, will also share their experiences. Thank you for your time.
With much Love and respect,
Nicklaus Allan Jarvis.
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT
( As we ponder and think about our Heavenly Father, there are always great questions to think about)
- What are some things that testify to you that there is a God?
- What are some of God's attributes?
- How can we come to know God?
- How do you see the hand of God in your daily life?
1. Believe that He exists and that He loves us. (see Mosiah 4:9).
2. Study the scriptures (see 2 Timothy 3:14-17).
3. Pray to Him (see James 1:5).
4. Obey all His commandments as best as we can (see John 14:21-23).
I hope to study these questions, as well as these scriptures in the following week. I hope to gain a better knowledge of these scriptures and I hope to be able to put them into my daily life.
NOTES
1) “Where Do I Make My Stand?,” James E. Faust, Liahona, Nov 2004, 18–21
2) Gospel Principles: pages 5-7
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